OK so I started the day out feeling pretty good. I was stilling feeling the pride from yesterday's accomplishments. And then it all went down hill from there. So, I am wondering is this funky,blahs, ugliness hormones or something all together different. I am usually such a positive person. At least I thought I was but recently I can find more and more things to complain about. One minute I feel totally fed up. I just want to throw in the towel and say to heck with this crap! Then I get over it and feel great again. Sounds like mood swings huh? The problem is I think most of the things I am upset about are founded. It is not like I am just making them up. Hubby and I have been more than bickering today. I am totally emotionally drained. Same thing happened the other day we had a big fight. Only I don't think I really got over it. So I think today when he started getting on to me about the kids not cleaning up their toys in the yard, I just lost it. It's not like I don't do a million things everyday!!! Seriously I was just so Happy that I cleaned the house. Oh by the way he informed me today that he does not care how messy the house gets he cares more about how the outside looks. OMG!! I was so mad. Half the time I can not even get outside to play with the 2 older ones so how am I supposed to clean up the toys they take out there. He acts like all I do is sit around on my butt and do nothing! I am so tired of fighting about stupid stuff! I mean seriously I am starting to wonder why we are even in this marriage?!?! I know that sounds extreme but I think I might have married a 2 year old. When I came home from the grocery store today (I was only gone about an hour and a half). He needed to go take a nap! He got up 2 hours later than me today and he only had 2 of the kids to take care of for an hour and a half! I was so mad. So I had to take care of 4 kids, nurse the baby, cook dinner, put away all the groceries and all the while he was sleeping. Then he got up long enough to eat dinner. IN his defense he did put dinner away while I rocked the baby. But then again I had not even made myself a plate yet! So I had to dig it all back out when the baby fell asleep. Now, I would not be so upset if he had not went right back to bed! What the heck! Seriously I had to get the other kids ready for bed, feed myself, and all the other stuff that goes with late evening in our home. I am so mad. He is sleeping and I am still going! I don't get the opportunity to sleep whenever I want to! Darn it I don't even get to sleep through the night.
OK so I know it sounds like it is all his fault and Oh how I would love to lead you to believe that but I have to be honest. I have felt like being in a bad mood lately. I am frustrated by things (like money, materialistic things, comparing us to others etc...) that I never let mother me any other time. I am also so moody! What is up with this one minute I am crying the next I am angry and the next I can be the happiest person in the world? It is enough to make a girl feel crazy! I am sure my hubby does not know if he is coming or going these days. I can see him trying to help out more and I try to tell him thank you but then he goes and makes me mad so it seems to him like all his hard work is for nothing. I am wondering if I am the only one that ever feels like this. I am in need of encouragement. I am so lonely these days and so confused. I really hope this is just the baby blues and not something more serious.
OK I am tired of complaining. So I will end this rant for now.
Saturday, June 16, 2007
What the heck!?!?
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4 comments:
Honey bunny, I am with you. If I could take you away to a place where they got rid of hormones,brain washed husbands,gave us a sackful of money and then massaged us and fed us chocolate, I would.Reading your blog was like reading about my own life. It is so hard some times. Like you I am up one minute then in the depths the next. Keep hanging on lovely girl. You are not alone at all. I think most women go through times like this, but we all put on such a front to fool our friends and neighbours into thinking we are superwomen. Take it one day at a time and if you have someone close that you could talk to honestly, talk to them. It will help. Keep your chin up, I'm thinking of you. Sarah
You are totally not the only one who goes through this. I don't even have kids yet but I've gone through it. And poor DH is clueless. I think it is highly likely that you are feeling the brunt of the baby blues. I think that is part of why we put off having kids for so long, is that I fear postpartum so much, because I've suffered from horrible mood swings and hormone induced depression ever since puberty. It does make you feel crazy. But hang in there, they'll even out. Try to concentrate on the positive (I know - easier said than done). Hang in there, God hears ya even in the ugly spots, and he'll pull ya through.
Praying for ya, friend. I have only recently begun feeling more "normal", and I did have to get on some medicine for a while to help me get through it. But then it made me sleepy, so now I only take it before bed to settle me down when my mind is spinning now. It is hard, and please don't try to pretend it's not for your own sake.
Hang in there, and call me if you want to chat in person versus just typing! (If you don't have my #, I can e-mail it to you!)
BLOGS LIKE THIS ARE GREAT. I LOVE 'EM.
POLITICAL BLOGS????? NAAAHHH......! I LEAVE THAT TO THE DEMOCRATS AND THE REPUBLICANS..
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