Thursday, February 28, 2008

As I was reading all my favorite blogs today I got an award. I am so honored. Honestly I did not realize anyone actually reads my blog regularly...but now... well let's just say I am touched. Thanks Farmwife! It means a lot to me :)

So here's how it works:

The rules for the “You Make My Day” award are to re-present it to 10 people whose blogs bring you happiness and inspiration and make you feel happy about blog land. Let them know through email or by posting a comment on their blog so they can pass it on.

My nominees are:

1. A wandering heart's musings

2. Zann's A Place to ponder

3. Jenster's Musings

4. Sarah's secret life

5. Farmwife (probably not supposed to pass it back but I can not help it! You make my day!

6. Caroline and Kimberly's spot

7. The life and times of HT

8. Ordinary Days

I am two short but honestly those are all the blogs I currently read. Each of you has really touched my heart and made my day. When I feel all alone in the trenches of motherhood. I am only one post away from a laugh, a kindred spirit, an uplifting remark, or a chance to be a friend to someone who is having a hard day. Thank you all for sharing your lives, it really means a lot!

What a week

Oh boy I have had a busy week! It all started Saturday. I was in a lazy mood, not wanting to do anything or go anywhere. It was a good plan. Until that evening. I discovered that Princess Fairheart had cut her first two teeth! I was so excited to find her teeth because she is the first of my children that I discovered her teeth first. With the other children it was always someone else. #1Son my sister found his first tooth. He bit her one morning. Weewee's first tooth was found by my MIL. And BB's first tooth was accidentally discovered by my MIL as well. She thought I had already found it. So, I have been anxiously looking for PF's first tooth. I found it Saturday evening! I immediately called my MIL to tell her I finally found one of the kid's teeth first! When I called her house I found out she was up at the hospital. DH's grandfather (Pop) was there. He was in really bad shape. The Doctor told us he only had hours to live. He was in multiple organ failure, or so they told us at the time. Of course we dropped everything, called for someone to watch our children and rushed to the hospital. Our whole family was sad and scared. We all went to say goodbye and hope that he passed quickly and painlessly. I spent the night in the hospital with him. Not wanting him to be alone, we all took shifts. I stayed there for more than 24 hours straight. Emotionally and physically drained, I came home Sunday night. I just needed to see my babies, take a shower and get some sleep. My phone rang off the hook. Every time it rang I expected the worst. We pretty much spent the next 24 hours in that state, waiting and fearing the worst. When the doctor came in Monday, the whole scenario changed. He was amazed that Pop was still with us. They wanted to do a surgery to explore what was going on. But our family asked them to run tests first. After more blood work and a CAT scan, they discovered that they were wrong about his diagnosis. OK there were a lot of emotions that went with that announcement! First I was mad that they got it so wrong. Then I was relieved that he was not as sick as we thought. And then there was the feeling that things could still be really bad. The doctors discovered that instead of having an embolism (blood clot) that cut the blood supply off to his major organs. He had a blockage in his intestines. Apparently he had a lot fluid on his belly (that they drained off) and when the pressure was relieved the blood flow was restored and his prognosis was much improved. He still needs a surgery to repair his bowel and stomach. Now they are trying to get his strength up so that they can operate. Tentatively on Monday.
I think it is interesting to note that you never know how much someone has affected your life until you are faced with losing them. I have not cried for anyone (who passed) since I was 7 years old and lost my Great Grandfather (my hero) and my Great Aunt in the same couple of months. I remember after Granddad passed and I cried for a week straight, I told myself that I would not cry for anyone else. I haven't. I am not a cold person. I just never have grieved like that again. I am the strong one. I don't break down. I stay strong for everyone else. But on Sunday I found myself in such a state of grief. I love Pop! He has been such a force in my life. Until this past year (his health declined so much) I had been pretty close to him. I always tried to make sure we visited him, brought him groceries, spent time with him, etc... Then he moved into my MIL's house (to have 24 hour care) and his started developing dementia. We have not been as close. Mostly because he has a hard time remembering who I am. I feel like it has been a long goodbye. One that I had prepared myself for. Yet, as we sit on the brink, not knowing how much longer he has, I am deeply sad that he will not get to see my kids grow. He has always been all about the kids. On Sunday, while his hospital room was filled beyond capacity with all the people who love him, he told his older sister that all he wanted was "his". His children, their children and their children's children. He needed his family! That really sums it up! When I first met Pop, six years ago, I was pregnant with #1Son. I will never forget what he said to me. He told me that people come and go, but our children are the only thing worth dying for. Our children are our life. They have to be the most important thing. Never choose anything over your children. He went on to tell me how many times he had been married and how it never mattered if those women came and went. All that ever mattered was that his kids were OK. Today that conversation is still as fresh as the day we had it. He was right. People will come and go but our children are our legacy. I just hope that someday when it is my time to go, I will have mattered as much as Pop has mattered to all of us!
We will see how this all plays out. The only ting I know today is that we have him for now. We are treasuring each moment until the end. And when he is gone there will be a huge hole in all of us.

I am sorry that the tone of this post is sad. But that is where I am right now. I am living in the moment.

Until next time...

Thursday, February 21, 2008

When did this happen?

I totally stole this from Farmwife. How could I pass this one up?!?! I have seen these stickers on cars all over the place. I love love love them. I have even looked everywhere (OK not everywhere obviously I forgot to look online) for them. Silly me. So, I of course went to the site and played with different designs. What else is a girl to do, when procrastinating against her real responsibilities? I made up a really cute sticker (much like the one here) and showed it to DH. Who fell in love and said we had to have one for my car. He did not even blink at the price. I however, being the frugal Mommy, had to think about it for about 2 hours before I actually placed the order! I am so excited that I did. When did this happen that a sticker could rock my world? I mean seriously! It doesn't take much anymore I guess. I feel like it's Christmas or my birthday. I am eagerly anticipating the arrival (in 7-10 business days) of my package! If you want to check it out click here.
I posted the other day about A Look into my heart and I just wanted to share a couple of things that happened after that. I received an email from a dear friend of mine (who I am pretty sure does not read this blog). It was such a beautiful story about the importance of time. I would post it here but it is really long. And I have plagiarised enough for tonite. Anyway one of my deeper wishes is to know that my life matters to someone or for something. I just really wanted to know. I have no idea why I wrote that at the moment I did. But at that moment I wanted to feel like I had made a difference to someone. The next morning I woke up and checked my email and there as plain as day was a message that (in a nut shell) told me that I had made a difference to someone. I know these kind of messages go around (a lot) but the wording in this one was too close to what I had wished for. Weird huh? It gets better... that afternoon my MIL showed up out of the blue. She never does that. She just decided to stop by and see us. She was in the best mood I had ever seen her in. We had a lovely visit. During her visit she offered me new (to me) bedroom furniture. Actually it is my DH's Grandfather's set and it is very nice and high quality. She just thought I might like to have a nice bedroom set that matches! That was part of another wish I had. She also does not read this blog! How weird is that??? OK just one more. I also wished for a magic wand to organize my home. No, I did not get the wand but I was given the (financial) ability to purchase some organization things I needed. I also got to buy curtains. Now, I know you are thinking curtains?? Who doesn't have curtains?? Well, I have never lived anywhere that I needed to buy curtains for. There have always been some kind of window treatments (pre-existing) where ever we have lived. I am not a stylist, designer, or even very domestic. So I always leave up the plain blinds and go with that. It does the job. But in the past couple of years I have had the desire to create a warm and inviting home. Not an easy feat without curtains. So, when we moved into this house and there were no, none, nada window treatments. No blinds. No shades, No hardware to hang curtains. You get the picture. I decided to start domesticating our home. I know nothing about this so, we spent the first two weeks in our new home with sheets tacked to the windows. Yesterday, when I could not take it any longer I broke down and went out and bought curtains, shades, curtains rods, and hardware to install it all. I stayed up until 1:30am installing all this stuff. But I got the basics done. Hmmm....I think I have uncovered a hidden talent. I love this. I want to learn to sew, have you seen the price of curtains?!?! Again, when did this change in me take place? If you would have told me 10 years ago that any of this domestication was going to happen I would have laughed so hard I'd have fallen over. But here I am 31 (almost 32) years old and I am turning into my mother. Well, sort of. Anyway, I liked picking out the curtains and putting them up. DH better watch out I think I just learned how to spend his money on something other than diapers and formula.

Friday, February 15, 2008

I just posted a new post on We Have our own playgroup check it out :)

A look into my heart

Last night after I posted on my own blog, I decided to catch up on all my favorite blogs. Some of them have been neglected for WAY too long! It was so wonderful and relaxing to read about all the things going on in everyone's lives. Thank you all so much for sharing your personal lives with the rest of us. Being a part of this blogging community too me is like going out for a great cup of coffee with an old friend. That is exactly how I felt last night as I read all of your stories. I laughed, I cried, I felt connected to a wonderful group of ladies! It is amazing what that does for my soul!
While I was "visiting" with Farmwife I came acrossed her post, Give me a wish to build a dream on, I was so touched by this post. I usually am when I read Farmwife's blog. I swear sometimes I think we must be leading parrallel lives about 1000 miles apart. Maybe it is because we are the same age, grew up in the same area, and have the same number of children. I don't really know but I absolutely love to read her blog. If you have not checked it out the please do, it is so worth it. In light of the fact that I would have choosen almost identical answers as she did, I waited a day to decided to post. Now that my head is clear and I do not feel like I would be "copying her" (as my kids too often say) Here's my go at it.

So, here's the deal: post 5 material wishes & 5 spiritual/deeper wishes. And so with a little fore thought, here we go:

5 Material Wishes:

1. Either a magic wand to organize my whole house, family and life. Or a gift certificate to go crazy shopping for all the organizers I could ever need. Starting with the playroom (of course). Someone could always nominate me for one of those makeover shows or something.

2. I would love to have a stylist help me pick out a whole new wardrobe. I have never been a very fashionable person but lately I am just WAY too frumpy! Again, a makeover show would work ;)

3. Matching furniture in my whole house. I mean each room having a theme of some kind. Right now we have an array of hand me down furniture, so nothing matches.

4. An all expense paid vacation to either Ireland or Italy.

5. A new set of cookware

5 spiritual/ Deeper Wishes

1. If I could have a closer relationship with my DH. We are good together but lately life gets in the way. We hardly ever get any time to just be together. I miss dating. I want that back.

2. If I could learn to be kinder in my words and have a more patient spirit. I think that would ultimately make me a better mother and wife. And if I was not such a procratinator, I might be better at those things as well. Really need to work on my laziness, maybe I'll start that tomorrow.

3. Of course I would like to have a closer walk with God. Seems like again life has gotten in the way. And my faith is nowhere near what it used to be. I want that back.

4. I want my family to be healthy, happy and well taken care of. I want my friends to have good health and love and happiness as well.

5. I want to feel like my life makes a difference to someone. I want to know that in the end it will all matter to someone or for something.

So there you have it, the good, the bad and the ugly. For what it is worth you just a got a peak into my heart.

Play along if you like. Comment me to let me know to check your blog for the answers.

Until next time...

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Crazy Beautiful

Not too much to report today. I unpacked more boxes, baby sat for my cousin's little girl, played on the internet, and basically just stayed home. It is so nice to be in this house. We have so much more room here. The kids are enjoying their playroom and I am enjoying having a little space of my own. I think I am most thankful to have my dresser back. After 5 months of living out of a clothes basket it is SO nice to have a place to put my clothes. In the apartment we just did not have room for our bedroom set. DH had a closet, the kids had a closet and a dresser and I had a clothes basket. Now I feel like a real person again with my dressers and my own closet. LOL the things we take for granted in life, right? I told DH yesterday morning that I realize how much we have to be thankful for now. Everytime I think about complaining I will just remind myself that we could be back in that tiny little apartment, packed in like sardines.

Valentine's Day was so much fun for the kids today. They got a surprise visit from their "Aunt" Carrie. Who came bearing gifts! Each of them had their own little paper bag (decoratd with hearts) full of candy treats! #1son was so excited that when she left he asked if he could make her "some special love cards with art". So we of course broke out the paper, markers and crayons to make our Valentines. It was so much fun!

BB is totally potty training himself. Well almost anyway. He loves to wear big boy pants and he actually reminds me when he needs to go. Halleluiah!! Finally an easy child!

Princess Fairheart is crawling!!! Really really crawling! It is so funny to watch her make it from place to place and then look amazed at her accomplishment! She acts like she doesn't know how to crawl if she thinks you will pick her up. Still no teeth....should I be worried. Like I have time to worry about one more thing.

Princess Grumpiness is excited that her friend Chloe will be spending the day with us tomorrow. It will be nice for her to have a friend over to play. She has all kinds of girly plans. Dress up, babies, tea party etc...

It will be interesting to see how #1son reacts to the girls tomorrow.

Starting next week I have to get back on track with my business, but I am enjoying this little break a little too much. :)

So that is a glimpse in to my crazy beautiful life!

Monday, February 4, 2008

Changes, changes and yet more changes!!!

Oh what a busy day. I should be packing my apartment. We are moving at the end of the week. Finally!!! We will be out of this tiny apartment and into a real house. I am so excited. But yet nevous to. Why feel nervous about something I really want? I guess it is the age old fear of change. I worry too much sometimes. I need a sense of stability and that will only come when we are settled somewhere. It seems most of our married life I am "getting ready to move". I hope this is the last time for a long time. I want things to work out with this house. I hope we can take the option to buy it. Right now that is so far off in the distance I find it hard to latch on to that dream.
My stress level has been so high lately. Maybe it is the impending move or the four small children or the husband who changes plans too often. All of the above sounds good to me. I wish I had taken some kind of life skills class that would have prepaired me for all these unknowns. The only way I seem to learn things is by "The school of hard knocks". I know exactly where my daughter gets her stubborness from.
So I guess you can tell my mood is not a peppy as usual. That's the truth of it. I have ups and downs. Tonight I am kind of down. Wishing I had the answers to lifes hard questions...heck I'd even like to have the answers to the easy
Seems like there is so much to do and not enough of me to get it all done. If I could clone myself maybe that would work. A "Me" to play with the kids. A "Me" to take care of the house. A "Me" to grow my business. And a fun "Me" would be great as well. But since cloning has not reached reality yet, I guess I will just have to find a way to work it all out.
I keep thinking that a vacation would be great. But then I know a vacation would just make it that much harder to come back to my real life.
OK OK I will stop complaining now. Maybe I should think about the things I am thankful for. That usually perks me up a little.
I am thankful for:
My kids. Each one is so wonderful and different.
My Husband who is a rock...sometimes a tumbling rock but my rock anyway.
My health.
The fact that no matter how grim it seems we always do make it.
No one evers goes hungry in my house.
The lights are on.
My new computer and internet access.
Friends that love me.
Family that is family and that never changes.
My new business and the opportunity it is giving me.
Our new house.
A playroom for the kids.
My paid for vehicle.
My hair that is growing back (like everyone said it would).
A comfortable place to lay my head at night.
My needs actually being met...that is a God thing! Big time!

Ok now I do feel better :)

Maybe I should think about the things I am thankful for earlier in my day. Maybe if I do that I will be a better Mother. I want my children to always know how much I love and adore them. Lately I am not as good at letting them know that. Since I spend 80% of my time everyday trying to stop them either bickering or tattling on each other.
My DH actually looked at me this morning and said (with a note of astonishment in his voice) You REALLY are a busy girl, aren't you? My reply was " Well, yeah! Are you just now noticing?"
I guess it just finally hit him that I get up and I don't really stop till well past midnight EVERY day. At least he noticed, right?

So potty training was a big fat flop today. BB got off to a good start this morning. He got up and peepeed on the potty. But about 15 minutes later I was cleaning stinky undies and a stinky baby. Then again at nap time it was nothing but the stinkies undies of course. I promise that after Baby Girl is out of diapers I am not going to change another diaper for at least a good ten years...and then only if it is an emergency situation. By my calculations I have change aproximately 19,800 diapers in the past five and a half years. I still have at least one and a half years to go until I will see the light at the end of the tunel. Potty training is a big deal in our house.

Outside of the realm of pottys. #1 Son learned to tie his shoes this week. I mean really learned! I am so proud I think I was almost 7 years old before I could do that! Ok so, somethings were really hard for me. My left and right was not easy feat either (truthfully I still sometimes get confused now). So I am really really happy that #1 Son has picked it up so easy. He is proud that he can do "double knots" too. He recently discovered the joy of horseback riding. He now wants "cowboy" lessons in leiu of Karate or soccer.

Princess Grumpiness is giving her Daddy lessons in what it takes to make a very Grumpy little princess into a HAPPY little girl. They have been spending a lot of time together. Daddy tries to make sure she knows how special she really is. She has a touch of the middle child syndrome.

Baby Girl is growing and growing and growing. She hates food. Only likes to eat from a bottle. Weaned herself from the breast in a quick way and never looked back. She acts like you are trying to kill her if a spoon of baby food comes anywhere near her. She will however, gum down Melba toast, pretzels, toddler veggie soup. Go figure!?!? She has learned to crawl. Well, it is actually more like a scooting frog, but she gets where she is going. She still wears a Ponsetti brace on her feet for her clubbed foot. But that special little crooked foot is all straightened out now. The brace has in no way slowed her down.

BB (besides potty training) is a BIG talker. He loves to tell stories. If you don't listen to ALL the details he gets really mad. He loves to go bye bye and will try to go by himself several times a day. He still keeps me on my toes. He is the one who gets into EVERYTHING especially the things he should not.

DH is considering going back over seas again. I however (along with the children) will not go this time. Scicily is the possible destination. We won't know for a little while though. I am totally good with that as long as I can find a babysitter or a REALLY cheap (but over qualified) Nanny. :) I can dream, right?

Saturday, February 2, 2008

Potty Training: stories from the trenches...

Potty training is every Mom's dream and night mare rolled into one giant step for our children. You would think since I am on the third child that has had to go through this stage that maybe just maybe I would be some sort of guru by now. Not true I feel as lost at moments as I did the first time. But with this child Halleluhia! he really wants to learn. BB is my little pleaser. And He hates "diapies" so every morning for the past week wakes up and asks to go "peepee in da potty pease". And then he ACTUALLY does it! Then he refuses to were a diaper "I dunno want it diapie, want pannies undies pease!!!!" So far we might be trained in record time. It took #1 son until he was 3 to learn and it took till he was 4 to sleep through the night and stay dry. Princess Grumpiness was 3 years 2 months when she finally (after an entire year and Mommy's mental breakdown) decided that she maybe could use the potty instead of here pull-up. Yet at 4 years 1 month she is still not trained through the night. We recently went back tp pull-ups at night because I just don't have it in me to wash blankets, sheets, pillows and stuffed babies EVERY single day of my life! So back in pull-ups we go. That takes our bi-weekly diaper box count up to 3 boxes. So you can see why I really want someone to get out of diapers. I determined that I would not use pull-ups this time (except at night). And low and behold it is working!! This is the fastest I have EVER seen results. Maybe it is because my child initiated this potty training regamine. Maybe it is because he is picking things up a lot quicker than his older brother and sister. I don't know why but I am not going to question it. At this rate we may be diaper free in less than a month!