I haven't posted in a few days partly because I just haven't felt like admitting what is going through my head (until now). And partly because I am trying to stay focused on packing and cleaning my house. Since I am being somewhat lazy this morning I have decided to post what is on my mind.
The other day when I was writing about my deep personal struggle with being a mom, I felt like such a failure. I was so sad and felt totally alone. It didn't help that I was in such a bad mood that I fought with DH and the children all day. So, I spent a day of total misery until my DH had a conversation with me about postpartum depression. Now usually I would blow it all off as just a bad day. But lately I have been having too many bad days. I don't know yet if I do have PPD but it is a possibility. I know something is wrong. I know I don't want to continue in the pattern I am in. It makes me feel helpless, out of control and just plain mean. Maybe it is a hormone imbalance. Maybe it is something else all together. But I finally came to the conclusion that it is not going to go away all by itself. Whatever is going on is effecting me in such a deep and utterly chaotic way that I have to be proactive in finding out what it is.
So bear with me while I take my steps on this journey.
You may be asking yourself why I would share such a personal thing on my public blog? Well, first of all I am not a good liar. I can not just post cute things all the time and make it appear that I have it all together. Second of all this is very therapeutic for me. It is one of my only outlets. DH tries to be there for me, but let's face it he is a guy and a LOT less emotional than me. And third I want to share this experience because maybe it can help some other mom who is facing the same things as me. If I keep my story to myself then no one else gets the benefit of learning from my life.
I will try not turn this whole blog into a PPD thing (if that's even what is wrong). But I really want to reflect my real life on here. So please be patient with me as I sort through this murky sea of confusion.
Friday, August 17, 2007
PPD
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4 comments:
Hello ! I have just got back from holiday and I'm sorry that I have missed you feeling down. I think that you are doing the right thing in both writing about your fears and in thinking about getting help. I had Post Natal Depression with both my boys. It took a long time for me to get help because I felt such a failure. I was scared that if I admitted something was wrong in my head they would take the boys away. I felt there was a huge stigma about having PND. There is not. Getting help was the best thing I ever did. I sat in my doctor's office and sobbed and she was amazing. It took a long time, but I got there in the end. The first step is the hardest - after that the journey is towards the light. You are not alone in this.Take care. Sarah x
I think I suffered from a very mild case of PPD after B.B.'s birth, but because it wasn't horrible and I could still function, I never sought help. I wish I had even for a mild case. In fact it took nearly a year for me to realize that was what happend. Depression runs rampant in my family so I can say do what ever you have to do to get the help you need. And if that includes making this blog a PPD thing, go right ahead darlin'. That's what we're here for, to listen!
((Hugs))
BTW, if TN is back on the agenda, will you be back near where we grew up?
Ditto what Sarah and Farmie said. Just like when I had my miscarriage, some of the greatest healing has come from finding out that others have struggled in this area. I keep wanting to read Brooke Shields' book.
Thankfully, we do know the source of hope, who gives us ways out and loves us as we wrestle things like this. I pray you feel His hope today!!!
You all are helping me so much. Sometimes it is nice to know someone cares enough to listen. Thank you for the encouragement. I know this is a journey and it is nice to know I am not the only one going down this road. So thank you for sharing with me and encouraging me.
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