Weekend to reconnect

This weekend is turning out to be so wonderful. I am visiting my best friend!!!! I haven't seen her in a year. And It is so wonderful to be face to face instead of relying on phones and web cams to see each other! The kids (her three and my four) are getting along so great. We were worried that the kids would have forgotten each other. It only took less than five minutes for them to become reacquainted with each other. I expected to have to break up fights but so far so good no fighting at all!
I forgot how much I missed my down time with my friend. We stayed up WAY too late last night. But it was worth it! It is so nice to be able to just get in the car and drive up the road to see her!

Things on the home front are going about the same. DH got a job offer in Delaware. I am not sure how I feel about it. He thinks it is worth it to take the job for at least 90 days. He can not come down to TN for at least 60 days anyway. This job would afford us the ability to move all of our stuff and get a place to stay before he transfers down here. I don't exactly like being separated from him but at the same time there is an element of freedom associated with me being here and him there.
I got an opportunity to talk to an old friend yesterday who is going through a very similar situation as me with her own marriage. It was kind of nice to know I am not the only one going through a difficult period. It is so nice to have people who are honest and open about things to talk to.

I really miss blogging everyday. I d0 try to read every one's blogs but I am more a lurker these days that a commenter. It is hard for me to get online since I am always using someone else's computer. I am really praying that I will be able to get a laptop so I could have my own computer to use whenever I need to. Maybe that is selfish or foolish, since I don't even have my own place to live right now. I am not sure. But I think it would help me to feel more normal again to be able to have the freedom to do my computer stuff when I need to or want to.

I am struggling with the idea that I may need to get a job. Right now since I am staying with my parents they are willing to watch the kids for me. That of course comes with some strings attached. Mostly because I would need to work around their schedule. My mom and Dad have a very busy social life these days. I can not think of any kind of job that I really want to do. I realize that I may just have to get a job that is not what I want just get a little money and freedom but it is hard to decide what I want to do. This next week I am gonna have to decide though. My mom thinks that if I get a job it helps me to feel less like this a vacation and more like I am starting over again. I am still holding on to the hope that things are going to work out for me and DH. I am so torn because for the first time since we have been together I can see myself stepping out on my own. Part of me almost looks forward to it. But then there is the bigger part of me that knows I don't want to live separately. SO I don't know the answers yet. I wish I could say that I am at a place in my walk with God where my faith is strong enough to bring me through. I used to have a faith that was unshakable. I am not sure what has happened to that girl. I think I am just so tired. Things have not been what I ever thought they were going to be. I am not sure any one's life turns out the way they thought it would. At this stage though how do I decide do I keep fighting and tell myself that things will work out for the good? Do I throw in the towel and say it is time to start over again? I am not a good decision maker. I vacillate to much. I am always afraid I will make the wrong choice. I did not used to be like this. I used to make a decision and stick with it no matter what. Now I wonder is things are hard because I feel like there is just too much at stake. I worry about things so much more than I ever did before. Having kids will do it to you I guess. Some how I do feel the pull to gravitate back toward God and yet there is this overwhelming fear of spiritual warfare! Every time I try to live the way I know God wants me to I am find myself in the midst of terrible battles. Is it wrong to just want to give up and say I need a break? I am not sure what to believe anymore. It is not like I don't believe in God or the Bible because I definitely do! It is just balancing what I believe with how I should be living.
OK so I have gone way farther than I wanted to with train of thought. So, I guess I will go for now.