I am sitting here this evening, trying to recover from one of my worst days. You know, one of those days where nothing seems to go right. Well, today was that day for me. I am pondering all the changes we are going through and all the ones that came before. While standing out front this evening I was thinking about my struggles. I wonder if women are the same in any country? I look up the street and I can tell you a little something about any one of my neighbors. I am not a gossip, just to clarify. I just have befriended (on some level) just about everyone on my block. I know all the stay at home moms, the older lady across the street, of course DH's Aunt and Uncle. My closest friends are my two next door neighbors. I could not have asked for better neighbors or friends. So, anyway I thought to myself, I wonder if women are the same in every country? Will I meet other moms who struggle to keep a tidy house? Will there be a neighbor who I can be a real friend with? Will the kids race up and down the block on their bikes? Will our dreams be the same? It is kind of surreal to think about transplanting my family in to another country, another culture. I am thrilled at the opportunity. But I am terrified by the thought of yet another change! I feel like I am being totally selfish. It is hard to help my kids deal with losing their friends. On top of that it is so expensive to ship stuff over there we are having to get rid of all our stuff that is not essential! Seriously, I talked myself into thinking I was OK with this but deep down I am screaming NO!!! I am not a materialistic person at all. But for some reason I have attached sentimental value to my possessions. There are little silver linings in all of this darkness. On Sunday we had a family BBQ as a send off for my hard working husband. It was really a nice party. After the party Auntie S called me to ask me if the kids and I would stay with her and Unkie D from the 1st of October until the kids and I leave. Hopefully that will be in mid October. I was so overwhelmed. At first I said that would be too much for them, but she assured me that this is what they want to do. So, that took the edge off how I was supposed to pack the things we are taking and sell everything else. Now I can move the kids and I across the street and close my house more easily. It also solved the dilemma about #1 Son going to school. I registered him yesterday. I wrestled this one over and over again. It seemed pointless to register him for school when he is only going to be here until October. But then on the other hand I could not skip it because his little heart would be broken. School is all he has talked about for a year now. My head is spinning! There is so much to think about. I could sit here and list out all the pros and cons. But none of that really matters because we are committed to this now and there is no turning back. It is sink or swim at this point.
Back to thinking about other women. Do we all struggle so deeply and present our selves as strong, fearless and flawless? Are other women like me where it seems like things are going along smoothly and BAM!!! out of no where life shifts. When the dust settles it seems like here I am holding all together, again. See what I mean about it being a down day? I know the sun will come out tomorrow and all that jazz. But today I am gloomy and very Eeyore like.
Until next time...
