Today is the strangest day I have ever had. Really no exaggeration! Let me back up a minute so you will understand. For months now I have been going to weekly therapy. It has been extremely helpful to me. I have learned a lot of things and feel stronger in some ways than I ever have before. I was initially afraid to go because I do not like new things and I thought maybe my counselor would tell me to get out of my marriage. I do not believe in divorce. I know I have been divorced once before but I truly do not believe in divorce. I have felt trapped in an uncertain situation for quite a long time. If you know me well then you have probably (at some point) told me to get out while I still can. Well, yesterday I made the decision! I am getting out of this marriage. I can not allow myself to be hurt like this any longer. I have no desire (right now) to smear him or make him look bad in any way. The love I have had for him all these years is truly deep and everlasting. I have the four greatest gifts I could have ever asked for, my children.
So, what makes today so strange? It is the relative peace and ease with which we have decided to split. After 8 years of heated fights that have sometimes turned to violence and name calling and every form of humiliation and degradation, now at the end we are amicable. I have wondered often over the years if this is what it would take for him to respect me. I think that little voice in my head/heart was right.
I have decided that my happiness is worth pursuing. I deserve it. I need it and I want it.
So, even though I grieve what might have been, I am looking forward to new horizons and brighter days. At least if nothing else we will have peace in our home.
I do not know what I will do about a lot of things. My goal is to take it all one day at a time and see where the road leads me. I really want to go back to school and maybe now is as good a time as any.
Maybe it is shock or maybe just relief but I keep thinking to myself that this is all so weird. I am not having second thoughts but maybe a little grief is starting to creep in. SO, I will just keep myself as busy as I can.

Gotta go now before my tears make it impossible to type. If you are the praying sort then please remember me and my family in yours.

Until next time...