So I went to the doctor yesterday. It went well. I have to say that it took me at least four hours after I got home to actually process what the doc had told me. I was so excstatic to hear that he does not think I have breast cancer, that I did not realize that he is concerned about skin cancer! And Rheumatoid arthritis or possibly Lyme's disease! I have to go for blood work and to a dermatologist. So now begins (what I am sure will be a drawn out process) of determining what if anything is wrong with me. I also have a severe flair up of tendinitis in my wrist and hand. So I need to ice it down for 60 minutes at a time several times a day and wear a splint! I am wondering did the doc even register the knowledge that I have four kids!?!? When am I supposed to sit still and ice down my wrist? Well, I guess I will try to fit that in too.

I am not nearly as frustrated with life as I was the other day. Which is a good thing! I have decided to give up my home based business. Much to the disappointment of my up line. I spent most of yesterday being lectured and coerced into making a different decision. I really don't understand some people. They call you friend as long as you are doing what they think you should but as soon as you make a decision to do what is right for you and your family you are not who they thought you were?!?!? OH WELL!! I have to spend this time taking care of my real and tangible responsibilities. I think this is just not the right time in my life to pursue a home based business. Yes, I would love to make the kind of money that they promised I would. But the time you have to put into something like this is WAY more than I can handle right now. I personally feel so much less stress now than I did two days ago. Mostly because I am not putting pressure on myself to meet goals for my business.

On the home front. I am so glad I decided not to give up on watching the two girls that I keep. I really weighed out the decision pros/cons the whole nine yards. And yes there are a lot of pros and cons but in the end it came down to my "why" was huge. I love these two little girls and it gives my kids some one else to play with. Is it more work? Yes of course it is. Do I feel overwhelmed daily? Yes I do! But at the end of the day I can tell myself that I have done something worth while. Something that will last a lifetime. I have invested in the 6 greatest kids on earth! (yep I am a little biased on that opinion)

So, now I have to learn to pick myself up by the boot straps and move forward. I can not let myself wallow in self pity. I am sure there will be days that are hard. But I also know that in order to live a happy and full life I have to tell myself I have a happy and full life. I really really do not want to miss out on my kids because I am too busy feeling sorry for myself to notice them. So from here on out (it might take me a while to build the habit) I am going to focus on the little lesson we learn everyday and the positive things our family is doing.

So our little lessons today (so far):

1. Leaving a 2 year old, one years old, and two 4 year olds alone in a playroom with a box of two week old puppies is a sure recipe for disaster! Inevitably someone will not be able to resist the charms of cute little puppies (who just opened their eyes yesterday)! In the span of 4 minutes a 2 year old squeezed a puppy, a four year old hit a puppy, and the one year old got in the box with the puppies! When asked the four year old said she hit the puppy because she was pretending to be a baby! OY VEY!

2. Leaving a "big girl" cup on the edge of the table is way to tempting to a one year old. Who took a shower in juice when she tried to pull it off the table.

3. This one was yesterday but worth mentioning. Daddys should never ever let little ones help trim trees. And then leave for work with out putting away all the tree trimming clippers! Yes, that's right my DH smart man that he is. Let #1son and Weewee "help" him trim some trees and bushes in our yard. When he left for work they decided (despite the very clear instructions he left with them to NOT touch any clippers or shears) to help him cut down trees. Thank God for little tattletale cousins who told on them. Or I would have never known until we were visiting our local children's hospital ER (yet again).

Happy milestones:

We are currently bribing BB with anything we think will work to get him potty trained. Currently the bribe is not only will he get stickers but he will get to go for a walk with his beloved Auntie S (that stands for SAINT). Although night before last he told Auntie S that if she peepeed and poopied on the potty all day he would take her for a walk. She informed him that she ALWAYS uses the potty. BB thought for a moment and he said then Unkie D has to use the potty. She laughed and told him that Unkie D always uses the potty. BB says no he doesn't and he can't go for a walk till he does. It was hysterical. BB is stuck between really wanting to be a big boy and really wanting to stay my baby.

#1son goes for his Kindergarten physical tomorrow! Hooray!! He is so so excited about it! He wants to go to school so badly. Unfortunately he doesn't quite get it that school will not start until after the summer. :)

Until next time...

Crazy Beautiful

Not too much to report today. I unpacked more boxes, baby sat for my cousin's little girl, played on the internet, and basically just stayed home. It is so nice to be in this house. We have so much more room here. The kids are enjoying their playroom and I am enjoying having a little space of my own. I think I am most thankful to have my dresser back. After 5 months of living out of a clothes basket it is SO nice to have a place to put my clothes. In the apartment we just did not have room for our bedroom set. DH had a closet, the kids had a closet and a dresser and I had a clothes basket. Now I feel like a real person again with my dressers and my own closet. LOL the things we take for granted in life, right? I told DH yesterday morning that I realize how much we have to be thankful for now. Everytime I think about complaining I will just remind myself that we could be back in that tiny little apartment, packed in like sardines.

Valentine's Day was so much fun for the kids today. They got a surprise visit from their "Aunt" Carrie. Who came bearing gifts! Each of them had their own little paper bag (decoratd with hearts) full of candy treats! #1son was so excited that when she left he asked if he could make her "some special love cards with art". So we of course broke out the paper, markers and crayons to make our Valentines. It was so much fun!

BB is totally potty training himself. Well almost anyway. He loves to wear big boy pants and he actually reminds me when he needs to go. Halleluiah!! Finally an easy child!

Princess Fairheart is crawling!!! Really really crawling! It is so funny to watch her make it from place to place and then look amazed at her accomplishment! She acts like she doesn't know how to crawl if she thinks you will pick her up. Still no teeth....should I be worried. Like I have time to worry about one more thing.

Princess Grumpiness is excited that her friend Chloe will be spending the day with us tomorrow. It will be nice for her to have a friend over to play. She has all kinds of girly plans. Dress up, babies, tea party etc...

It will be interesting to see how #1son reacts to the girls tomorrow.

Starting next week I have to get back on track with my business, but I am enjoying this little break a little too much. :)

So that is a glimpse in to my crazy beautiful life!

Changes, changes and yet more changes!!!

Oh what a busy day. I should be packing my apartment. We are moving at the end of the week. Finally!!! We will be out of this tiny apartment and into a real house. I am so excited. But yet nevous to. Why feel nervous about something I really want? I guess it is the age old fear of change. I worry too much sometimes. I need a sense of stability and that will only come when we are settled somewhere. It seems most of our married life I am "getting ready to move". I hope this is the last time for a long time. I want things to work out with this house. I hope we can take the option to buy it. Right now that is so far off in the distance I find it hard to latch on to that dream.
My stress level has been so high lately. Maybe it is the impending move or the four small children or the husband who changes plans too often. All of the above sounds good to me. I wish I had taken some kind of life skills class that would have prepaired me for all these unknowns. The only way I seem to learn things is by "The school of hard knocks". I know exactly where my daughter gets her stubborness from.
So I guess you can tell my mood is not a peppy as usual. That's the truth of it. I have ups and downs. Tonight I am kind of down. Wishing I had the answers to lifes hard questions...heck I'd even like to have the answers to the easy ones...lol.
Seems like there is so much to do and not enough of me to get it all done. If I could clone myself maybe that would work. A "Me" to play with the kids. A "Me" to take care of the house. A "Me" to grow my business. And a fun "Me" would be great as well. But since cloning has not reached reality yet, I guess I will just have to find a way to work it all out.
I keep thinking that a vacation would be great. But then I know a vacation would just make it that much harder to come back to my real life.
OK OK I will stop complaining now. Maybe I should think about the things I am thankful for. That usually perks me up a little.
I am thankful for:
My kids. Each one is so wonderful and different.
My Husband who is a rock...sometimes a tumbling rock but my rock anyway.
My health.
The fact that no matter how grim it seems we always do make it.
No one evers goes hungry in my house.
The lights are on.
My new computer and internet access.
Friends that love me.
Family that is family and that never changes.
My new business and the opportunity it is giving me.
Our new house.
A playroom for the kids.
My paid for vehicle.
My hair that is growing back (like everyone said it would).
A comfortable place to lay my head at night.
My needs actually being met...that is a God thing! Big time!

Ok now I do feel better :)

Maybe I should think about the things I am thankful for earlier in my day. Maybe if I do that I will be a better Mother. I want my children to always know how much I love and adore them. Lately I am not as good at letting them know that. Since I spend 80% of my time everyday trying to stop them either bickering or tattling on each other.
My DH actually looked at me this morning and said (with a note of astonishment in his voice) You REALLY are a busy girl, aren't you? My reply was " Well, yeah! Are you just now noticing?"
I guess it just finally hit him that I get up and I don't really stop till well past midnight EVERY day. At least he noticed, right?

So potty training was a big fat flop today. BB got off to a good start this morning. He got up and peepeed on the potty. But about 15 minutes later I was cleaning stinky undies and a stinky baby. Then again at nap time it was nothing but the stinkies again...in undies of course. I promise that after Baby Girl is out of diapers I am not going to change another diaper for at least a good ten years...and then only if it is an emergency situation. By my calculations I have change aproximately 19,800 diapers in the past five and a half years. I still have at least one and a half years to go until I will see the light at the end of the tunel. Potty training is a big deal in our house.

Outside of the realm of pottys. #1 Son learned to tie his shoes this week. I mean really learned! I am so proud I think I was almost 7 years old before I could do that! Ok so, somethings were really hard for me. My left and right was not easy feat either (truthfully I still sometimes get confused now). So I am really really happy that #1 Son has picked it up so easy. He is proud that he can do "double knots" too. He recently discovered the joy of horseback riding. He now wants "cowboy" lessons in leiu of Karate or soccer.

Princess Grumpiness is giving her Daddy lessons in what it takes to make a very Grumpy little princess into a HAPPY little girl. They have been spending a lot of time together. Daddy tries to make sure she knows how special she really is. She has a touch of the middle child syndrome.

Baby Girl is growing and growing and growing. She hates food. Only likes to eat from a bottle. Weaned herself from the breast in a quick way and never looked back. She acts like you are trying to kill her if a spoon of baby food comes anywhere near her. She will however, gum down Melba toast, pretzels, toddler veggie soup. Go figure!?!? She has learned to crawl. Well, it is actually more like a scooting frog, but she gets where she is going. She still wears a Ponsetti brace on her feet for her clubbed foot. But that special little crooked foot is all straightened out now. The brace has in no way slowed her down.

BB (besides potty training) is a BIG talker. He loves to tell stories. If you don't listen to ALL the details he gets really mad. He loves to go bye bye and will try to go by himself several times a day. He still keeps me on my toes. He is the one who gets into EVERYTHING especially the things he should not.

DH is considering going back over seas again. I however (along with the children) will not go this time. Scicily is the possible destination. We won't know for a little while though. I am totally good with that as long as I can find a babysitter or a REALLY cheap (but over qualified) Nanny. :) I can dream, right?