The path less traveled may be where you find the best treasures...

So it is that easy, you pray and then poof you feel better? Well actually yes, if it is done with the right heart. So I have been in one constant conversation with God for two days now. OK so Farm Wife was right I do have faith. I have just been unwilling to be obedient. Ouch! How is that for honesty with myself? I am thinking that this is scary for me. But maybe it was not God who let me down. Maybe (just maybe) it was people and myself. If that is truly the case then I need to humble myself before God and give Him back the control of my life. SCARY!! But I think maybe that is the only way I will truly find myself. I have been torturing myself with questions of identity and worth. I am plagued by shame and guilt. I am all alone. So as my counselor said today: What do you have to lose? I of course felt a little defensive about that question. Only because couldn't she see it in all of my crying sessions with her that I already lost everything once before. Then it hit me. I lost everything yes, it shattered my life yes, it sucks big time yes, BUT that was not God's plan for my life. That was not what He intended for me. I have punished myself for a very very long time. Nobody would punish me the way I have. So, I am determining today, to start renewing my relationship with my savior! Pray for me! I am going Church shopping. I am praying that God will lead me where he wants me to be. It may not be an easy path but I think with His help I can walk it. It has got to be better than what I have been doing on my own. It's just another step, right? But some how it all feels different. New path? Maybe. Or it could be that it is an old familiar path, grown over by weeds, in need of a great deal of TLC.