First day of kindergarten

#1Son started school today! After 2 years of wishing it was his turn, the day finally arrived. I thought I would be a lot more emotional. I was just so excited for him. I teared up a little right before I was ready to leave. That was only because he was a little frightened. He all of a sudden realized that he would have to stay there all day, with out Mommy or his siblings. I promised to get him at the end of the day and he was fine. So I am going to attach a few pics for everyone to see him.

On the home front, we are all doing well. DH is in Germany. He went a week ago today. It seems like it has been longer than that. I spent several days this past week so sad that it was hard to do anything. Today however, I am back on my game. I am motivated! I will accomplish something today! The larger Dunkin Doughnuts iced coffee has a lot to do with my energy level. Also the fact that I know I am Mommy and I can not keep myself in a such a state forever! So here I am trying to cope. Trying to push through the pain and fear and get it all done. I am starting to realize how my parents must have felt 25-30 years ago. When you are the Mommy you just gotta suck it up and move on. It is now my job to put things in a good light, so my kids learn to cope as well. Honestly it helps to have things to focus on. I am moving forward, today anyway.

Until next time....

The adventure begins...

My man left for Germany yesterday. It was a busy, hard and long day. I felt really loved though. Several of my friends and family made sure that I did not have to be alone for most of the night. It was nice to know they care. The kids are doing well (so far) with this new arrangement. I feel a lot better now that he called to tell me he is safe. The trip went well. He did not get much sleep but then again neither did I.

So the adventure begins. I have so much to do to get us all ready to go over there. the to do lists get longer everyday. I guess as things get closer they will get shorter. I hope anyway.

Today I think I am just going to focus on me and the kids. #1 Son has Kindergarten orientation tonight. He is so excited.

Well, I guess that is all I have to write about right now. So until next time...

Women the big questions...

I am sitting here this evening, trying to recover from one of my worst days. You know, one of those days where nothing seems to go right. Well, today was that day for me. I am pondering all the changes we are going through and all the ones that came before. While standing out front this evening I was thinking about my struggles. I wonder if women are the same in any country? I look up the street and I can tell you a little something about any one of my neighbors. I am not a gossip, just to clarify. I just have befriended (on some level) just about everyone on my block. I know all the stay at home moms, the older lady across the street, of course DH's Aunt and Uncle. My closest friends are my two next door neighbors. I could not have asked for better neighbors or friends. So, anyway I thought to myself, I wonder if women are the same in every country? Will I meet other moms who struggle to keep a tidy house? Will there be a neighbor who I can be a real friend with? Will the kids race up and down the block on their bikes? Will our dreams be the same? It is kind of surreal to think about transplanting my family in to another country, another culture. I am thrilled at the opportunity. But I am terrified by the thought of yet another change! I feel like I am being totally selfish. It is hard to help my kids deal with losing their friends. On top of that it is so expensive to ship stuff over there we are having to get rid of all our stuff that is not essential! Seriously, I talked myself into thinking I was OK with this but deep down I am screaming NO!!! I am not a materialistic person at all. But for some reason I have attached sentimental value to my possessions. There are little silver linings in all of this darkness. On Sunday we had a family BBQ as a send off for my hard working husband. It was really a nice party. After the party Auntie S called me to ask me if the kids and I would stay with her and Unkie D from the 1st of October until the kids and I leave. Hopefully that will be in mid October. I was so overwhelmed. At first I said that would be too much for them, but she assured me that this is what they want to do. So, that took the edge off how I was supposed to pack the things we are taking and sell everything else. Now I can move the kids and I across the street and close my house more easily. It also solved the dilemma about #1 Son going to school. I registered him yesterday. I wrestled this one over and over again. It seemed pointless to register him for school when he is only going to be here until October. But then on the other hand I could not skip it because his little heart would be broken. School is all he has talked about for a year now. My head is spinning! There is so much to think about. I could sit here and list out all the pros and cons. But none of that really matters because we are committed to this now and there is no turning back. It is sink or swim at this point.
Back to thinking about other women. Do we all struggle so deeply and present our selves as strong, fearless and flawless? Are other women like me where it seems like things are going along smoothly and BAM!!! out of no where life shifts. When the dust settles it seems like here I am holding all together, again. See what I mean about it being a down day? I know the sun will come out tomorrow and all that jazz. But today I am gloomy and very Eeyore like.

Until next time...

The great adventure begins...

The days are going by so quickly now. Remember being a kid and time moved so slowly? What happened? Is time really this fast or what? I miss the carefree days of being a child. I know everyone tells you not to grow up too fast. I wish I had listened. But none of that can change now. Unless I built a time machine...oh wait that can't happen either. Oh well, I will just have to suck it up and know that before I can blink my husband will be on a plane to Germany and I will be left here holding down the fort. Well, not only holding down the fort, but packing it up, growing through all our worldly possessions, sorting, storing, packing and traveling. Not to mention the fact that I will be taking an international flight with four children six years old and under! Whew!!! I am tired just thinking about it. I am not complaining though. I know this is how it has to be. I am ok with it. Really I am. I am just overwhelmed. I wonder is there an award for people who stay constantly under stress (of the unusual sort)? Maybe I will come up with one. I wonder sometimes I am the only one who has such a crazy life? Oh I love this crazy life! I wouldn't trade these opportunities for anything. It is just that it is a lot of work. Ok I think my first step is to create some lists. Yeah, that sounds good. If I list out everything I need to get done then maybe just maybe I can get it all done?!?!? I will try anyway....

Ok so I am off to make a few lists.

Stay tuned for more after the break.

Blocked

Well I should be cleaning my house (as usual). I am domestically challenged and a procrastinator. When I realized how long it has been since I posted, I thought to myself how did that happen? A whole month with no words from me? Well, life has gotten in the way recently. I wish I was better at writing here. Kind of like diaries though, I always have good intentions but I get distracted. Recently though I have felt like there is not too much to share.

I do have big news!!! We will be moving (yet again). This move however, will be a lot different. We will be moving to Germany for three years! That's across an ocean! I could blog about my fears, anxieties, excitement, and just plain feelings of being overwhelmed. Not sure if that would be good reading though. DH has been given a GREAT opportunity to back on contract. I am excited that we will get to show our children the world! At the same time though I am terrified! It all seems like too much. #1son will be starting school in a few weeks and sometime during Kindergarten he will have to move to another country! That is not exactly what I had in mind for this year. I have prayed about it a lot. I know that this is what God has planned for our family. Things are working out too well for any other thought to take hold. This is such a great thing for us. But it also means packing (again), flying with four kids trans continental, saying good bye to too many friends and family members, getting better at blogging so I can stay in touch....and the list goes on and on...

For now I am just trying to tackle one step at a time. Depending on God for direction.

There will be more blogging about this I am sure...

Until next time...

Perspective

Perspective is reality or at least that is what is seems. Maybe the saying goes your perspective is your reality. In my new found desire to stay positive it is more difficult today than at any other time. Maybe because negativity has become such a habit. r maybe just this once the reality is that I am hurt and feel used. I had a friend or at least someone I was a friend to that has used me and made me question myself and my ability to judge people's character. Some things never change. It seems as though I always find a way to make friends with people who do not hold themselves to the same standard as me. Maybe this is what the Bible truly means about being unequally yoked. I am trying to figure out how so many other people I know are able to see people for what they truly are. Is this because of some internal monitoring system that they are born with? Or is a learned skilled because they too have been hurt enough to recognize flaws in other before they are hurt? I wish with all my heart that I could see these kind of things coming before they catch me off guard. How do you learn something like that? If it is life's experiences that teach you then how come I am so dumb in this area? Is an internal need to be liked? Is it just stupidity? I seem to repeat the same patterns over and over again. I am not saying that ALL my friends have turned out to be users or that all my friends have hurt me. But when it does happen I am always shocked and confused. DH tells me all the time that other people do not care about anyone but themselves. And where I think that is a very negative way to view people, it seems he may just be right. Or at least in 50% of the cases he is close to right. So what do I do? Stop caring about people? That is like asking me to change who I am. How do I learn to care but keep myself safe? I know these are all questions that have no exact answers and that seems to compound my problem. Am I destined to repeat the same events time and again until I learn to recognize the character flaws of others? Or do I just decided that being alone is better than associating with those who would hurt me again and again? Of course these are all deeply personal issues and I probably should not put all this out on the internet for everyone to know. But I am hoping that I am not the only person that this keeps happening to. Maybe I am not the one with problem. DH tells me that this is not my fault and that whoever blames me has problems of their own. My question is do people who exhibit these patterns actually seek out people who they view as easy targets or is it more innocent than all of that? I know this is not the most uplifting post I have ever written but I want to be honest about where I am today. Maybe all of this is God's way of getting me to get on my knees and seek Him. It's worth a try. I have nothing else to loose. So maybe in my rambling I have found the answer I needed to know today. I will try once again to take my concerns to God. I know sound skeptical. Please don't judge me for that. I am where I am in my walk and maybe I need to just step out of my comfort zone (which is not very comfortable today anyway) and get back to what I know.

My perspective can change I think but does that mean the reality was not what I thought all along?

Until next time I will humble myself and see where that gets me in this journey...

Diamonds in the dust

It's amazing how when you give someone an opportunity (or the benefit of doubt) you may discover a diamond in the dust. That is what has happened to me. I have a new found friendship with someone whom I thought might be able to be a friend for a while. It is funny because she and I have much more in common than I ever would have thought. Yet, for several months we let another person in our lives keep us from connecting. How silly is that? Due to some interesting and unforeseen circumstances we both had an opportunity to talk and clear the air and now we realized that we could be very good friends. It's amazing to me that another person was able to manipulate the situation so that each of us thought the other did not like each other. I am thankful that I have learned over the years to take people at face value. If not I would have missed out on a diamond in the dust. Just another example of looking for the good in every situation.

Summer time is upon us and I am enjoying the ability to be out and about. We have not bought a new car yet. But I still feel a sense of excitement that there is so much to do outdoors. We are experiencing a break in the heat wave. It is so pleasant this week temperatures are in the 70's which is so much better than heat indexes that hit 105! It is time to be outside more! Forget about the house (mostly) and get outdoors! That is my new motto.

Today we are off to go swimming at Mommom Jen's. My kids love going over there to play and swim. Her house rocks. I think that it is so awesome that we are living so far from my home and family and yet so many people have invited us into their families and take such care to be there for us. It makes everything so much easier. I am not nearly as home sick as I was last summer. I am finding that when you bloom where you are planted great things happen.

My best friend just bought her first house! I am so proud of her and happy for her! She (of all people) deserves this! She has worked so hard for years now as a single mom to three kids. She has put up with so much crap and now she is finally reaping the rewards of hard work and perseverance. So give it up for my BF!! She deserves a round of applause and congratulations!!

On the home front (meaning how are the kids doing), Princess Fairheart is giving kisses! Yes, it is fabulous! I love it when your baby goes from just accepting all your love to reciprocating it! She just started giving kisses this week. She has been hugging us for a while but the kisses are like icing on a cake! She is also trying really hard to learn to walk. It is hysterical. She can take only a few steps at a time right now. When she falls down on her hiney though she looks up to see who is watching and then she claps her hands together and squeals. It is just too cute.
Weewee is turning into such a sweet little girl. She has a best friend now. That is the sweetest thing I have ever witnessed. They talk about EVERYTHING. They walk around holding hands and sharing secrets. They make up songs together and try to spend every waking minute together. It really helps that her BF lives right next door.
#1 Son spend all of his time trying be a grown up. He is 5 going on 25! He thinks he knows everything. As frustrating as it is at times I am totally thankful that he is so sure of himself. He also has a best friend but it is much different for boys. They spend most of their time beating the crap out of each other and then crying if they are separated from each other!?!?! I don't get it but I guess that is how boys are.
BB is making little to no progress in the potty training arena. I am not letting myself stress about it though. I figure he will get it sometime between now and kindergarten. He is becoming quite independent though. We have to keep a really close eye on him at all times because he has been sneaking out of the house when no one is looking! He is too quick sometimes. So we added child proof handles to our front and back doors. Hopefully he won't be able to figure them out. We'll see.

Nothing is better than being their Mom and I am truly thankful to have them. Thank God for my little ones to fill my days with love, work and the unexpected.

Until next time...