Life is like a roller coaster....

Some days I just don't know how I will get the strength to make it through each hour and then other days fly by in a blaze of glory and I wonder where did the day go. Today is a day like the latter, thanks goodness. God knows I really needed an easier day. Hubby surprised me today and took the whole day off. What a blessing, OK so there were moments when he got on my nerves, but all in all it was nice to spend the day with him. We all piled in our van and went to Allentown (70 miles) to a garden store he wanted to check out. It was a nice drive. The kids seemed to enjoy themselves and there was very little fighting or arguing. The long drive helped me to get out and clear my head. I need to just escape my house sometimes. And since I was not driving I got to just look out the window and think about what ever I wanted to. The drive up to Allentown is a very scenic country drive. It was funny on the way up there Wee wee was the only one awake and so she was chattering about whatever silly thing came to mind. One moment she was worried about Nemo getting sucked into a pipe. the next she was singing me her "booger booger" song, giggly contagiously at her grossness. It was so fun to listen to her talk about the things that she was thinking of. During one conversation she informed me that when she watched "Fox and the Hound" Chief broke his leg. She was upset about that because she said his master broke his leg. I think it has been months since she saw that movie. It is funny what will stick in her mind and come out on a long car ride. We all just had such a nice time being together.

*Rant coming up*
OK the only bad part about the trip was stopping for lunch. We stopped at Burger King. Wee wee had to go potty so I took her in and decided to order lunch to go. It took over 15 minutes just to place my order. Usually I have a lot of patience with people who work in fast food restaurants (mostly because I have been there) but today!!! OMG!!! The woman who took my order her name badge said "3 Years of Service". So how come it took her 15 minutes to ring up 3 kids meals with cheese burgers and Icees to drink, a whopper jr meal and a whopper with cheese no pickle!!! My gosh all they have to do is look at pictures! there is no reading involved! I thought I would scream before she got my order done. Then to top it off I get out to the car and some of our food was missing!! How hard is it people!! Seriously if she was a trainee I might not be so mad but according to her name badge she has 3 YEARS on this job!!! OK if you can not learn to take an order in 3 years time then maybe you should think about getting another job!

*OK Ranting done now*

OK sorry I just had to get that off my chest, I feel better now.

It is so hot here today! I just looked over and my 4 year old is wearing only a t-shirt and boxers. I asked him where his pants are he replied "I was hot in them" Maybe I need to turn on the air....no it will cool off in an hour or so and I will get too cold. Lately it is really hot in the daytime and really cool at night. I wish we had central air but this house only has window units so it is hard to regulate the temp. Another of our many reasons for looking for a different house to move into. But I will think about all of that tomorrow. Today I am just too tired.

OK I better stop writing before my few readers get so bored they fall asleep in their chairs.

Struggles

Yesterday was a hard day. Nothing in particular and yet everything all at once was overwhelming to me. I took BG to the pediatrician. Apparently she was going in for a weight check. But she has a cast on her leg and they can not tell how much she weighs for sure. So then since I am nursing her I had to answer a million questions about she is feeding. According to the doc it is not good that she sleeps for about 6 hours at a time sometimes. As a mom of 4 I thought it was great. The bad news from her visit is that now she has to see a General Pediatric Surgeon. She has an umbilical hernia. We have know that since she was born. But it is growing and that is a concern. So now when we go to the children's hospital on Monday for her ortho visit we will be seeing a surgeon as well. I know I should not complain. I know her medical challenges could be a lot worse. But I feel so helpless and scared. She is the first baby I have had that has any issues (medically) at all. This is overwhelming to me. Then you add on the fact that my other children must have been abducted by body snatchers and replaced with needy, whiny, naughty children. It seems like lately all I do is yell at them. #1Son has always been such a joy until just recently he has started acting like a teenager. He argues with me about everything. He even argues with his Daddy now. Nothing I do is good enough for him. I used to be able to take him out in public and get comments on how well behaved he was. Now it seems like he is on a mission to act naughty in public. I swear he is testing me to see if I will just completely lose it in front of other people. I don't know if this is normal for four year olds to turn into crazy people?? Then there is Biggoo......oh my goodness that child is so busy!!! Yesterday I was trying to clean my house. Every time I got into a groove BG would start to cry so I would have to stop to comfort her (ever since the cast was put on she has been really fussy) as soon as I would sit down to take care of her, Biggoo would go to where ever I had been cleaning up and totally mess that area back up. He took a whole bag of papers and threw it all over the living room. He kept getting into my cleaning cabinet. He kept taking stuff off my dresser. I felt like I was fighting a losing battle. By the time dinner time came around I was so tired I ordered pizza. Then I called my mom and cried to her about how hard my day was. Then my darling husband got jealous that I was talking to my mom and not him!!! WHAT!?! Usually when I try to talk to him about my frustrations he just tries to fix it and not really listen and if I do not take his advice he gets offended....I just wanted to talk to my mom since she has been there before. So, after I had my cry with her I had to go try to explain to him why I needed to talk to her about how I was feeling. So by the time my head hit the pillow last night I was totally physically and emotionally exhausted!
Today I just want to sit and rest. I want to try not to worry about what the doc will say on Monday. I want to reconnect with my children, maybe I will find that they have not been body snatched after all. I sure hope that is the case.
Sometimes I just do not feel like there is enough of me to go around. I try to pray for the strength and wisdom to be the best mom I can be but I am not so sure I am getting the response I need. I feel like I am walking through the fire again. It is hard not to wonder if we have too many children now. I know I should not admit that out loud. At the same time I KNOW that God gave us each of these children and that all gifts from God are good. So.....where does that leave me? Humbled. Yes very humbled. I need to get my attitude in check before it all gets away from me.
So off I go to reconnect and redirect my attitude...........wish me luck!

Well Baby girls' appointment yesterday went really well. She has a cast on her leg from her hip to her toes. That was basically the worst of it. It was really aweful when they had to put the cast on her because they had to stretch her foot into a position that is not comfortable for her. She was crying so hard that for about 15 minutes afterward her little body was racked with sobs. It broke my heart. I hate the feeling that there is nothing I can do to comfort one of my children. She spent most of yesterday being held. This did not allow for me to get very much done but I had to comfort her. She was very uncomfortable adjusting to this cast on her leg. I think it is a little better today. We will have to return to the hospital every week to get a new cast. They think at this point this will go on for at least two months. Once her foot is positioned the way they want it to be then they will put her in these special shoes that have a bar between them. She will have to wear the shoes 23 hours a day until she shows an interest in crawling then we will be able to take them off to let her crawl around. This is going to be a very long process. I hope the worst is over. It is very awkward trying to nurse her with this big ol' cast on her leg but we are doing the best we can. I hate to complain about any of it because I know it could be a lot worse than it is.
One funny thing about yesterday, on our way to the hospital Wee wee asked "Mommy, why does BG need to go to the hospital? Is she sick?" I said "No, sweety she has a special crooked foot and the doctors need to look at it and decide how to fix it." Wee wee replied in a typical preschooler emphatic way "NO SHE DOES NOT!!!! SHE is perfect and beautiful!!!" I told her she was right BG is perfect and beautiful but she does have a crooked foot that needs to be fixed. Well, I guess #1Son (who is usually very nosey) missed that whole conversation because when I brought BG out from her casting #1Son noticed the cast and said "Ahh how how did BG get a big giant booboo!?!?!" He said this in his most accusatory voice. I explained again that BG has a crooked foot and that the doctors put a cast on it to help fix it. He also said that he was sure she did not because she is beautiful! And is just like him when he was a baby! I thought it was so neat that my kids never ever noticed that their baby sister had a deformed foot. They have never asked about it once and yesterday was proof they never even noticed it. Is that just like God? I mean he know we have flaws but he looks past them and only sees how worthy we are of his love! Wow!!!! Kids sure do teach you a lot! I hope I can remember to not even notice flaws in others!

Ok well today will be another busy day....hmm i wonder if there will ever be a lazy day again?
We have to go to the pediatrician again. I wish they made house calls. BG needs a check up and I have to request Biggoo's records to be sent to our new Pediatrician. He needs shots again. Ugh! This stuff is never ending. OH well at least I got to the grocery store yesterday. So maybe we can make a trip to the park today. I won't mention it until we are there though that way I don't have to hear "when will we go to the park??" ten thousand times.

Oh one more thing of note. Thank God for whoever invented baby swings!!! They are a life saver. This is the 1st time BG has let me put her down since her casting. YEA! She is actually sleeping good right now. And the others are eating breakfast and not fighting.....shhh...I better not spoil it.

More later......

This weekend was so busy. On Saturday we went to Chuck's mom's house. That is always an adventure. The kids were so happy to be going somewhere. Unfortunately I made the mistake of asking them Saturday morning where they wanted to go to Grammy's or the fair? One said Grammy's one said the fair. Wee wee wanted to ride the ferris wheel. But the weather was too hot for us to spend the day outside. So we went to Grammy's. Wee wee gets something in her head and it is as good as done though so she kept asking me all day when we were going to the fair. Then on Sunday she still wanted to know when we were going and I truly intended on taking her but it started to rain and it rained all day. So we went to Aunt Carrie's house and then we all went to the museum of natural history. The kids thought he museum was awesome. #1Son thought it was going to be like the movie "night at the museum" He was really excited to see the T Rex exhibit. In the museum there was a glass floor that looked down on a fake aquarium. That was hilarious to watch the kids try to walk across. They each had their own little fears about it, especially Biggoo.
I had a great day and was totally blessed because Carrie passed along so much of her baby stuff to me. I left her house with a pack and play, new car seat, swing, diaper pail and parts to Biggoo's bed rail. I know you might think that I have 4 kids and should have everything I could ever need for a baby, BUT you see when I had Biggoo I foolishly thought we were done, so I gave away EVERYTHING!! As he out grew an item it was gone. We also moved 1000 miles away from home so I got rid of a lot of stuff then. So When I got pregnant with baby girl panic set in because other than the crib that was still being used by Biggoo I pretty much needed everything. And now I need a new crib too because during our last move and then when I graduated Biggoo to a big bed it finally broke bad enough to have to be replaced. But hey it made it through 3 kids and several moves. So I can not complain. I know God will provide for us. He always does. Just the other day I was fretting over how I was going to afford a new swing for her. Since I desperately need to be able to put her down sometime. And then yesterday I got one for free! So, God definitely heard that little prayer I sent up.
Today we have to go to AI DuPont Children's Hospital. Please say a prayer for baby girl. We are going for her first consultation with the orthopedic, for her clubbed foot. Everyone in the family has assured me that this is going to go great. I am nervous. Mostly because I do not know what exactly to expect. Surgery? Castings? I do not know. So please keep us in your prayers. The bright side is that I think Chuck's mom will be meeting me at the hospital this morning to watch the older kids while me and baby girl go to her appointment. That will be so much help. Otherwise I do not know how I would be able to concentrate on what the Doc will tell me.
I have the busiest day today and some where in there I have to squeeze in a trip to the grocery store.....oh my!! I do not want to do it with all the kids but I just may have to as we are out of everything and Daddy has to work late today. Oh well, I will cross that bridge when I get there. For now I have to get this posted and then shower and get the kids up and out so we can take Daddy to work.
I will post later about the Dr visit and the rest of our adventures.

Please pray...

this young family needs your prayers. Their baby boy is a victim of shaken baby syndrome. I am providing a link to her myspace page. Someone myspace also said her story is on Cafemom as well. Here is a link to her story: http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog&friendID=34091583&blogMonth=&BlogDay=&blogYear=&Mytoken=CB6A9907-4035-4BF6-A099DDEF6EE9971135817399

Today was such a great day. I did not get through my whole to do list. But then I never do. But I got to play at the park with my kids! It was such a hot and sunny day. The city had the water fountains on for the kids to play in at the park. My kids were so thrilled! They have never played in the fountains before. They ran around got soaked and laughed so much. Even Biggoo got pretty close to the water. He was not too sure what to think. He was way more interested in playing on the playground equipment. He did his little "hep meeee" routine again when we started to leave. This was our first outing where no one asked me if all my kids were mine. And no one commented on how busy I must be. Word must have gotten out about how much I dislike that. Or maybe I just looked more like I knew what I was doing.......nah.....that couldn't be it.
Daddy came home from work early and surprised us with a trip to Dairy Queen!! His favorite place in the world. the kids were so excited! #1Son and Wee wee both wanted to order a banana split. But since this was way too much ice cream for a 4 year old and a 3 year old, the lady who works there made one banana split in two containers so they each thought they were getting their very own banana split. They were so excited and I did not have to pay for ice cream they would not eat...everybody came out a winner. Biggoo was too funny he kept going between his daddy's blizzard and my cone and then getting bites from #1Son's ice cream. He was running around crazy...all hyped up on sugar. Good thing it was early and he had plenty of time to run around before dinner.
After our family date (that's what #1 Son calls it when we all go somewhere together). Daddy kept the older kids while I got to go to Walmart all by myself!! Well of course I had Squeaky with me. But she slept the whole time. I actually got to look at things I wanted to with out anyone asking me for a toy or to go potty or any other annoying thing. Oh how I needed that little break. It helped so much that I came home and did not mind cooking dinner. Even though hubby did mention that he wanted to take me out for our anniversary. Maybe we can do that tomorrow. But on the whole it was a great day. Sunshine does me a world of good.

Good morning...

Today so far is a beautiful day! Yesterday was so busy! In the latter days of my pregnancy we got used to not going anywhere. It was just too hard to get everyone loaded up and on our way. So we stayed home unless absolutely necessary. But since Squeaky is here now and I am feeling so much better I find that we are on the go a lot more. I am so thankful today for my husband who picked up the slack for so many things when I was pregnant. Happy anniversary darling!! Yep, to day is our anniversary! It seems like we have always been building this life together. I can not imagine being anywhere but here with him!
OK that is enough sappiness for me...
So, we will be off and running today... I had hoped to stay home and clean today, but lets be honest how much cleaning would I really get done? It is much more fun to go shopping. That's what I did yesterday. Had to get hubby's father's day present, this is the first time ever that I am prepared early. Also several folks in our family had to get new shoes yesterday. That was fun! I was so glad the store was empty except for us and the sales lady. Biggoo kept running away from me, until I set him on one of those benches that you sit on to try on your shoes. Then he just sat there and said "Hep meeeee hep meeeee pleeease pleeeease!!!!! Until I could no longer stand it and decided to let him run around. He also did the whole help me routine all the way through Walmart!! Most people thought it was cute a couple of people looked at me like I was crazy! I get that a lot now. What is up with that!?!? I mean hasn't anyone EVER seen a lady who has 4 kids before??? If I had a nickle for evey time someone says "It looks like you have your hands full" or "My you are a busy mom", I would not have to worry about the bills that's for sure!! It happens so much that I think I was kind of rude to a guy at Burger King yesterday. He was there eating with his one child and I noticed he was watching me. Then he did it. He made the "hands full" comment. And so I said "Yep, I sure do and if I have a nickle for every time someone said that too me I would be a wealthy women!" I did not really mean to sound so harsh it was just that I had heard it so many times and it hit me wrong. He was a good sport about ti though he laughed and said he guessed a lot people must notice us, because it seems rare to see big families these days. He said he admired me for how well behaved they all are. So it turned out pleasant but I felt bad for using such sarcasm. Oh well, I guess I will just have to get used to that since I can not hide the fact that we have 4 little ones.
OK so that rant is over....sorry had to get that out.
One more thing then I HAVE to get my day started...So, my brother is freaking out on me. He thinks I am crazy because I posted pics of my kids on my myspace account. Now let me say this before anyone gets upset, my Myspace account is set to private so only people I authorize can see my profile and pics. And everyone on my myspace is someone I know actually I have one virtual friend on there but she is not a threat!!!! But my brother is convince that I am putting my kids in danger by having their pics on there. Now, he has my mom on the band wagon. So I got the big lecture last night. About how pretty my daughter is and how there are predators out there etc... So, now I am wondering am I doing the right thing. Again I think it is totally safe because my profile is private!! Oooh how I hate self doubt!! OK so now I am wondering should I pull the pics off the web? and if so then how will all my friends get to see pics of my kids....unless I email them all the time. Anyway, this is my worry to ponder on today.